A few years ago, I was sitting across from a woman in a coaching session who had just finished telling me everything she wanted to change about her body.
“I just want to lose about ten pounds,” she said. “If I could flatten my stomach a little and tone my legs, I think I’d finally feel confident.”
I asked her a question I often ask my clients.
“What would change in your life if you lost those ten pounds?”
She paused for a moment, then started listing things.
“I think I’d feel more confident at work… I wouldn’t be so self-conscious in photos… I’d probably go out more with friends… I’d feel more comfortable wearing what I want.”
“Interesting.” I thought. None of the answers had anything to do with her body.
They had everything to do with the woman she believed she would become once her body changed.
That moment stuck with me.
Because after years of coaching women through health journeys, I’ve realized something important:
Most women aren’t really chasing a smaller body.
They’re chasing the version of themselves they believe that body will finally allow them to be.
After more than a decade of coaching women through health and nutrition journeys, I’ve noticed a recurring theme. Many women begin their health journey with a picture in mind: a smaller body, a flatter stomach, a different number on the scale. Health becomes something they pursue because they want to escape the body they currently have.
The motivation often sounds like this:
“I hate how big my thighs are.” “If I could just lose this stubborn ten pounds.” “I just need to get back on track.”
Behind these thoughts, there is often a long history of: punishing workouts, restrictive diets and “starting over on Monday” cycles. Fitness and nutrition slowly become tools used to escape the current version of themselves. But after years of walking alongside women in this process, I’ve realized something else that's important:
The body we think we want is rarely the real goal.
When we dig a little deeper—beyond meal prep strategies or emotional eating habits—we often uncover something much more vulnerable. What women really want is to become someone who feels confident in her own skin, has energy and strength, feels at peace with food, trusts herself, shows up fully in life and believes in her own worth beyond her appearance. In other words:
You’re not chasing a body. You’re chasing a woman.
And that woman looks different from the one most diet culture programs promote. She is disciplined but compassionate, strong yet well-rested, nourished rather than restricted, consistent instead of extreme and confident in any body size rather than insecure or timid.
Identity-Driven Change
Over the years, I’ve also noticed something interesting in my coaching practice. The women who experience the most sustainable transformation are rarely the ones with the most perfect meal plans or workout routines. They are the women who have developed a clear picture of who they are becoming. This is what I call identity-driven change. When you know who you are becoming, decisions become clearer, habits become easier and consistency becomes more natural. Your behaviors begin to reflect your identity. For example, a woman who sees herself as strong trains consistently, a woman who values nourishment prepares meals and a woman who honors her body also honors rest. These actions no longer feel like punishment; they feel like alignment.
Instead of asking: “What diet should I follow?” or “How do I lose ten pounds?” Try asking a different question: “What would the woman I am becoming do today?” Would she: drink water, go for a walk, cook a nourishing meal, go to bed earlier, speak kindly to herself and others?
When you have a clear vision of who you want to become, your daily choices begin to align naturally with that vision. A strong vision: guides your daily decisions, reduces decision fatigue and builds consistency over time.
Without vision, health efforts often feel forced—like discipline that is restrictive or legalistic. Eventually, motivation fades and health becomes another “failed attempt.”
But when your habits are rooted in identity, they become expressions of who you are becoming. Write it down. Get specific. Then begin building a life that reflects that woman. Health is not built through punishment. It is built through alignment. When you stop trying to escape who you are and start building who you are becoming: your habits begin to change, your mindset begins to shift and eventually, your body reflects that life.
Don’t train for the body you’re trying to force.
Train for the woman you are becoming—and let the body follow.
You may find that this approach brings a freedom and ease to your life that you never thought was possible.
Natalia Holguin, RDN, CPT is a Registered Dietitian, Certified Personal Trainer, and founder of Live Confident Nutrition, where she helps individuals improve body composition, metabolic health and their relationship with food through sustainable, personalized nutrition strategies. She has experience across clinical nutrition, performance coaching and digital health startups, contributing to the growth of organizations such as Players Fitness and Performance, Rebel Health Alliance and Fitness Blender. Natalia’s approach integrates evidence-based nutrition, behavior change and holistic health to support long-term wellness.
Your health journey isn’t about escaping your body—it’s about becoming the
woman you were created to be. If you're ready to approach nutrition and wellness with
confidence and sustainability, learn more by visiting LiveConfidentNutrition.com.
The body we think we want is rarely the real goal.
You’re not chasing a body. You’re chasing a woman.